This past winter I spent a bunch of cage time slipping and slopping down the highway, using more windshield washer fluid than gas just to attend a bike show. I’m sure that every Canadian rider will agree that in our climate, a strategically placed bike show can positively lift spirits and make you a much nicer person to be around, for a while at least.

This year I found myself just hangin’ out and taking a close look at what sells and what doesn’t. It all started out as a moment of pause with an overpriced cardboard-textured slice of pizza and a five dollar soda. I savoured my sodium and just watched people. I happened to be in the hall that I call ‘dead cow alley’, where vendors were selling leather ‘everything’. Leather coats, chaps, boots, gloves…if it could be made from leather, it was there. People were actually pouring over the stuff and scooping it up like it was a Sears last chance clearance event.

Chaps. I don’t get chaps. Since I’ve been known to ride in far less than favourable conditions, I know how fast the ‘oh S#@*!!’ syndrome can happen, and the end results generally leave you a few points shy of a perky mood unless you’re very well protected – and real lucky. Thus, I don’t get chaps as they leave a rather large and tender section of your anatomy to the whim of jeans (a.k.a. nothing) against the road. I also really don’t get leather for all-round riding. I know it looks cool, and for specific purpose riding, like proper track racing leather, it’s probably the best thing going. But for everyday riding, I think there are better options out there.

The other thing that gives me pause is a ‘beanie’ helmet and for some strange reason it appears that chaps and beanie helmets seem to go hand-in-hand when it comes to riding apparel purchases. Go figure.

My gear is a blinding yellow mish-mash of nylon–Nomex–ballistic, CE approved armoured stuff that has always seemed to work well, and yes, I’ve actually tried out the armour on a few un-planned tests with very favourable results. The other neat-o thing is that even my old gear remains dry when Mother Nature decides to get nasty, which is something that I’ve never experienced with leather. I also ride with a full-face helmet and you couldn’t talk me into anything but a full-face helmet, that statement coming from someone who, until fairly recently, wore open-faced helmets since helmet laws first came out.

The long and the short of this ramble is that all of my ‘dead cow alley’ and beanie ponders were answered yesterday and I think I won, in sort of a smug way. I was returning from doing a photo shoot with our esteemed publisher and Mother Nature was starting to get her game face on with some decent precipitation coupled with a rather spectacular light show. I’m slabbing it on the mind-numbing 401 when my feed me light popped on so I pull into the service centre, I saw in my mirrors that I was being followed by another rider. We hit the pumps and by this time the storm was reaching a crescendo. We’re yakking at the pumps, he looked and sounded absolutely miserable, and he also had a fairly long haul ahead of him. He was a typical beanie helmeted, leather chaps and coat rider. His leather was soaked through-n-through and so was he. His butt was positively drenched as his seat looked like a mini swimming pool. It made me shiver just looking at the poor bloke. I, on the other hand was dry as a bone and if anything, even a little too warm, so I adjusted a couple of coat vents, buttoned up and carried on down the highway like it was just another day in paradise.

So what would make rational people think that looking cool surpasses the need for riding apparel that works the way it should, keeps you as protected as possible and offers some real comfort when the world gets ugly? I know I look like a complete dork, but at least I’m a well-protected dry, warm and happy dork.

The last fifty kilometres home gave some smug chuckles and me a few helmet ponders. I should be ashamed. MMM

Ride Safe. Ride (very) Far, Stu